How Much Joy Today?

If you've read the second post of Stealth Kindergarten, you know that Joy isn't always so joyful... today was one of those days. From the outset, Joy was oppositional about every, single task, no matter how easy. This was during our "sit-down" school time, which is 45 minutes each day. Mind you, we do not sit down and do worksheets for 45 minutes straight-- Ugh! We play with puppets, read books, play games, do puzzles, etc. It is a time when I control the direction of our activities, though, with some flexibility (like the writing project on wildcats that turned into puffins!).

The main purpose of this "sit-down" school time is to help Joy develop her ability to follow directions and let someone else be in charge. This is very difficult for her, but essential to her well-being as an adult. I know no one who doesn't have to do what they're told sometimes! We had a perfect example during our vacation: Airport security isn't the time to joke, get distracted, or be uncooperative! There are times you need to be able to simply follow someone else's agenda. This 45 minutes is the training for doing that. And it is sometimes a serious challenge for Joy!

When she refuses to cooperate, the timer goes off and I turn my attention elsewhere. She's not allowed to play or leave the table; the plan is that she'll calm herself down and let me know she's ready to work again. Not today... not for a while, at least. She was oppositional for over an hour! Today I was able to stay calm, supportive, and consistent through the whole ordeal. (I wish I could say I'm always able to be calm, supportive, and consistent, but I occasionally get frustrated and raise my voice with demands. It's not very effective!)

Today became a complete success when, after over an hour, she was able to turn her behavior around and cooperate again. This is what we're working for! If she can learn to recognize her own oppositional behavior and its ineffectiveness to achieve what she wants, and then be able to change the oppositional behavior into cooperative behavior, we'll be successful in our homeschooling!

I refuse to utilize a "behavior modification" program for completing school tasks because it teaches mindless obedience in exchange for a treat or prize. I am not above using such a program for some behaviors! It's one tool in my toolbox, but it's not the right tool for cooperating in school. What we really want in homeschool "sit-down" school time is for Joy to understand that continuing to try when something is difficult pays off in learning (not in treats or prizes) and that learning is valuable! That it's safe and okay to obey someone you trust, like your parents. And that your parents (and other adults you trust) will not ask you to do things that are horrible, awful, impossible, or disgusting (at least not until you're a teenager and know everything anyway!).

So...How much Joy today??? Despite my exhausted energy from the ordeal, LOTS of Joy! It's good to see her grow and learn in so many ways, but this way is essential to her future success and happiness!